Philadelphia, PA
Britain’s dorks congregated at Bonhams in London early this week for a J.R.R. Tolkein auction featuring a variety of Tolkein memorabilia set to
sate the virgin loins of aforementioned auction goers. Tolkein, who resided for most of his life in Oxford, was about as limp wrist as a Brit can
come—which is saying a lot—choosing to stay in and write the most fantastical series of fantasy fiction ever conceived rather than going out and meeting women. The biggest hit of the auction was a first edition of The Hobbit from 1937, which sold for 60,000 pounds. While it was unclear if the “lucky” Brit that purchased the rare book is a certified virgin, it was quite clear that his ass, dressed as a dwarf, was not getting laid that
night.