Letter to the ICBR: Evil Empire
Dear Steve,
Nice book this - http://www.evilempirebook.com - have you sent copies to Niall Ferguson? I nearly mistook your book for one of his when I saw it .
I'd like to do a Brazilian version of this book, only targeting Portugal rather than England/Britain/the UK. Actually, the Americans aren't the only ones to use those terms interchangeably, everyone else in the world does, except the Scots and Welsh.
By the way, it's called 'Great' Britain because the word for 'Britain' in French and other European languages is the same as the word for 'Brittany', which used to be called 'la petite Bretagne' or 'Little Britain'. (And no, I don't consider 'Little Britain' and its jokes bodily functions funny.)
Oh, and not all of Ireland is England's bitch, only six counties in the North, and the people of the Republic don't like being called part of the'British' Isles, much less the Evil ones.
You think us Limeys are bad - would you rather be like Brazil, a country that has an aviation industry but still has people sufering from leprosy?
The Brits may have invented soccer, but the fact that the Latins love the game so much says more about their lack of manliness than ours.
You think the Brits are historically retentive about their Empire? Talk to the Portuguese about Asia and they start going on about the 16th century. Just compare and contrast formerly British Hong Kong with formerly Portuguese Macau. Or Singapore with East Timor. I could go on.
Portugal is so insecure about its influence in the Portuguese-speaking world that it actually adopted Brazilian spelling. You expect us to end words in
'-or' instead of '-our'? Don't hold your breath.
US$75 million on the British monarchy - is that all? How much is the Elysee Palace? Or Air Force One? I think the late and unlamented Indonesian
dictator Suharto would have considered that figure diddly squat compared to what he and his dynasty embezzled. Oh, and he didn't even have the decency
to hold free elections, let alone stand in them.
Poor personal hygiene? Look to the French. Over generous welfare state? Look to the French. Delusions of grandeur over language? The French. And what language do they speak in Canada's largest province? French. Ever read Mark Steyn's description of welfare as 'Euro-Canadian'?
Come to think of it, 'Grasse' sounds more French than English. Maybe you should move to Quebec. If you were a Native American, you might have the
moral high ground, but as a colonial boy, you don't.
Anyway, must go away and doff my cap to my betters as one of Fraulein
Saxe-Coburg's subjects.
Happy Memorial Day,
Ken
Dear Ken,
The International Coalition for British Reparations is writing you on behalf of Steven A. Grasse, the world’s most celebrated lay historian, often referred to as “the people’s authority” on the British Empire. We find your letter rather rambling and incoherent. You fail to state any sort of thesis, or follow any semblance of a sound argument towards any type of relevant conclusion. You touch on several points, but only in passing. Perhaps you have a learning disorder or some type of hyperactive condition? If, in fact, your wandering correspondence was intended to express your support for Steve Grasse’s The Evil Empire and the ICBR, we suggest you visit the ICBR website and sign our petition. On the other hand, if your letter was intended as an attempt to debase our sound arguments, perhaps you should receive some sort of instruction in academic debate before you write again.
Sincerely,
The ICBR
YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!
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