International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

To further the proof that the British are too soft for their own good, the Maritime and Coast Guard Agency (MCA) has banned the Coast Guard from flares in search and rescue missions. In its place, rescue teams are being told to use safer alternatives like night-vision goggles and torches. Crewmen are outraged by the sudden news. One man said, "This is the most stupid, ignorant thing I've heard of. Flares light up the entire sky and aid rescue missions - something that obviously can't be done with a hand-held torch."

The MCA is claiming it came to this decision because flares "are capable of causing considerable injury, and for that reason alone using safer alternatives is beneficial." There's no word on how many flare-related injuries there are per year, but the number is assumed to be low.

Frustration seems to be nearing a tipping point in England. Mr. Black, a commenter on the story, wrote, "This country might as well shut up shop and all die, because whats the point in living in this country? Every day we are told what to and what not to do. Whats the point any more?" Well said, Mr. Black.

Flares Deemed Too Dangerous For British Coast Guard

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!