International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Following the release of files from Broadmoor, a high-security hospital for the criminally insane in Berkshire, England, Thomas Hayne Cutbush has been identified as the culprit behind the famous Jack the Ripper killings. Nephew of a Scotland Yard superintendent, Cutbrush was said to go insane around 1888, the exact time the killings started. His own family suspected he was Jack the Ripper, and from the day he was institutionalized in Broadmoor in 1891, the murders ceased.

Here's some advice to you Brits still investigating this Jack the Ripper case: STOP WASTING YOUR TIME TRYING TO SOLVE 110-YEAR-OLD MURDERS. What are you going to do, throw a skeleton in jail? There's absolutely no point in wasting your energy on this. Just drop it. There are bigger things in this world that require attention.

You are obviously in need of something to do, so here's a Jack-the-Ripper-themed order: SLASH open your wallet. MUTILATE its insides until it's completely devoid of cash. Mail said cash to the ICBR as a reparations payment. The world thanks you.

After Nearly 110 Years, Police Identify Jack The Ripper

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!